I’m BAAAACCCCKKKK!!!

by Food Hound on July 4, 2012

in Uncategorized

Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit.  I’m back!

Actually, I never left.  I’ve been here all along, continuing my gastronomic quest to cram as much baguette (and steak. and jam. and chocolate. and butter- glorious, glorious butter.) into my life as possible- I just haven’t been writing about it.
Why the vacation?  Or rather, stay-cation, since I never left?  Hang tight, Food Hound faithful, for the swashbuckling tale is wrought with high-seas drama.
Totally kidding… unless you call sleepless nights and sore nipples high-seas drama.  Which, of course, it is.
Little Miss at 3 months; awesome
photograph by Brittany Payne!
Yup, I’m a mama now!  On February 1st I gave birth to the sweetest little dumpling you ever did see.  Nicknamed “la Brioche” as a richer, more buttery, more Francais version of the classic American “bun in the oven,” her sassy little embryo came on the scene last May.  With her she brought joy, excitement… and an overnight development of a severe aversion to anything I had been eating on the Paleo challenge, as well as food prep or photography of any kind.
For those of you still reading after the sore nipples comment, you know that’s the kiss of death for any food blogger.
So… out went the steak and avocado, and in went chocolate milk and sandwiches on crusty, toasty, glorious BREAD.  And pizza and Middle Eastern food.  To this day, a good toasted-turkey-tomato-hummus sandwich makes me salivate on command.  Oh wait, all food makes me do that.
Remember the Booze Hound?  Well, the proud papa went on to WIN the Paleo Challenge, all while eating his buffalo chicken-veggie stir fries far away from my heightened olfactory zone and making me forbidden grilled cheeses.  The things we do for love.  But really, I was carrying his child- it’s not like he could say no.
OK, before you all start feeling bad for the pregnant girl, know that my food issues only lasted about 6 weeks, at which time I resumed eating anything and everything… but this time, while wearing super-sexy maternity clothes.  And I totally planned to resume blogging, but I never did.  *cue the dramatic music*
The whole barf-after-barbeque era of pregnancy came at the best time: I was burned out.  I had just returned from the BlogHer conference completely demoralized that my blog would never “make it.”  I wanted to have thousands of followers, get noticed by Fine Cooking magazine, and become a household name in the food writing world.  The Travel Channel would offer me a show where I review the latest Parisian restaurants, and the Barefoot Contessa would ask me out to lunch to review her new cookbook “Cooking with the Food Hound.”
I so wish I were kidding.
But seriously, the writing was on the wall: if I wanted the Food Hound to be big, I needed to plunge myself into social media, redesign my blog, care about SEO, take better photographs, advertise with companies, and have more original content.
Instead… I have made a feeble attempt to tweet and found out that I hate it, the Booze Hound is my blog designer and we have little desire or funds to outsource it, I thought SEO was “Site Executive Officer,” my photography skills are poor, and I never want to advertise with a company that sells food out of a box or advocates sprouted anything.
Moi, doing (scaled) Kelly at 39 weeks.  BOOM!
And so the past 14 months I let the Food Hound wander cyberspace alone.  I knew I’d never “make it,” and that was ok.  I still loved to cook, eat, and rub cocoa butter on my ginormous pregnant belly (FYI- the person who decided to market a chocolate-smelling lotion to hungry pregnant women was a GENIUS).  I had the easiest pregnancy EVER (see right), pushed out a 7-lb 12-oz butterball, and, once the delirious fog of those first few newborn weeks lifted, resumed my role as CFO (Chief Food Officer) of Chez Hound.  I enjoyed cooking things without the stress of having to plate them perfectly for photos.  Or having to wait 5 minutes to dig my face into a steaming hot plate of love just so I could get a picture.  Or having to type out recipes.  Or come up with ridiculously awesome content.
Oh wait, that last part comes naturally 😉  But I’m still waiting for that call from Fine Cooking, so… maybe not.
Then I learned something that helped spark the idea of rescuing the Food Hound from eternal spam-nation with ads for “Buy Cheap Gold”:
Nursing moms want to eat.
Don’t get me wrong, I threw down some food when I was a baby-factory.  But it was nothing, nothing, compared to my life as a milk factory.  I want carbs dripping in fat dripping in protein.  I want to eat salads out of mixing bowls.  I want omelets oozing with enough cheese to embarrass a Frenchman.  I want a juicy steak that takes up the whole plate.  I want chocolate mousse for dessert every night.
And I kind of want to tell you about it.
Necessity is the mother of invention ~Plato

In order to make it through an afternoon of having Food Network on in the background and not throw something at Guy Fieri as he shows me yet another hidden gem pulled pork joint that makes the juiciest, most tender sandwich that just happens to be topped with bacon and cheese, I had to make the kind of food I wanted to eat.
Ina makes the same kind of food that makes you want to lick the TV, but I could never throw something at her.  Love you, Ina 🙂
As with anything, some things turned out great, and some were colossal failures.  I found I constantly wanted to share the great things with my friends and family and then it occurred to me: “that’s what the blog was for, you yodel.”
My babies. Holding paws.
And so, I am back.  The Food Hound won’t go viral, and I’m totally ok with that.  My photography skills will be limited by my iPhone, I may occasionally link to a recipe instead of typing it out, I might only post a few times per month, and I don’t care if I ever get another Twitter follower (and if I do decide to tweet, it will probably be something like “why do BumGenius diapers leak?” #shitalloverthecrib).
But what I can promise is that I will post about wonderful food, be it from my kitchen or a local place I love, with a side of Doberhound antics, tales of new mommy-hood, shameless sharing of Brioche photos, and CrossFit stories (because a girl’s gotta work off all that butter).
Food Hound 2.0.  Kind of new, not really improved, but totally awesome 🙂

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Janice July 4, 2012 at 3:39 pm

Welcome back. I loved reading your ‘journey’ as they say on reality tv programmes, it was a real truthful one. I totally relate to your unwillingness to become part of the ‘blog-factory’. I am now attracting PR interest but it is so nice to pick and choose and make demands, because I don’t ‘need’ to do any of it. I have a perfectly good and very demanding paid job. So blogging has to be fun or I’m just not going to do it. Sorry you didn’t like twitter because it’s my new home and would have been fun to chat to you.

If you change your mind, it’s easy from your phone, then I’m @serialcrafter.

Big hugs for little brioche, such a cutie, and keep the Booze Hound cooking up those little toasty carby treats for you.

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Erin July 5, 2012 at 2:19 am

YES! This totally makes my day. And month. And life. I do love your creative writing, funny commentary, and use of French words that I obviously don’t understand – but mostly I love that you’re jazzed up about this again [aka more food in my mailbox]! Love!

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Jess July 5, 2012 at 3:44 pm

Welcome back, and congratulations!! Can’t wait to see/hear about your food again – even if it is once in a blue moon and via iphone pictures 🙂

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Gerry @Foodness Gracious July 6, 2012 at 4:55 am

Wow!! I was thinking about you recently and wondered where the hell you’d gotten to, I just so happened to be looking at an ancient post of mine and you had left a comment…click and here I am. Congrats on the babyness, It’s truly an eye opening time but truly fantastic too 🙂

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Chris July 6, 2012 at 10:34 pm

I was wondering what you were up to! And as far as The Food Hound “making it”, just remember “it” is whatever you define.

Major congrats on your new addition and we’re glad to have you back.

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The Modern Gal July 22, 2012 at 3:47 pm

I’m way late to the game, but congratulations on the new chapter of your life!!! La Brioche is really freakin’ cute! I’d been wondering what happened to you, and I’m glad to hear it’s all been for the good.

You know what, I went through the same realization with my own blog because I just did not have the time to put that much effort into promotion, and after getting over the initial disappointment, it was a freeing reminder of the fact that I write for myself and for anyone else who is compelled to read. P.S. You know you live in the same city of the company that owns Travel Channel and Food Network, right? There may be other avenues to getting your own show 🙂

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kellypea August 13, 2012 at 3:40 pm

Holy COW! I am so relieved to see you back and firing on six burners. Or something like that. When someone just disappears, it can be quite unsettling. Your last post was before we met at BlogHer and I thought you’d completely reconsidered the whole food thing. CONGRATS to you and yes. A blog is for sharing just what you have here. Viral schmiral. I am still scratching my head over all of that and swear I’ve lost myself in it. Your fabulous sense of humor is what I enjoy most — outside of the great recipes you share. And having La Brioche will allow me to remember my time as a new mom. Sore nipples indeed. Welcome back!

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